Dear Iris,

I feel like I drew the short end of the stick... Like why me? Why was I diagnosed with cancer? I don’t want to feel sorry for myself, but I do. How can I change this way of thinking?

T

Dear T,

It's completely natural—and expected—to feel overwhelmed and even a bit lost when faced with a cancer diagnosis. The emotions and questions you're experiencing are common responses to such a significant life experience.

Instead of thinking that it means you feel sorry for yourself, consider that accepting your range of feelings is an important first step in processing your cancer diagnosis. For example, if you find yourself thinking, "Why me", try acknowledging that question by saying to yourself, “This is really hard right now.” By taking the time to accept what is difficult right now, you can make space for thinking about what kind of care you might need from yourself or others.    

Try to speak to yourself as you would to a close friend, extending the same care and kindness to yourself that you would offer them. See if you can catch yourself when starting to think (or speak) unkindly towards yourself, and instead offer a more neutral or supportive reflection.  

 When experiencing unwanted emotions, focus on what you can control to help manage overwhelming feelings: 

• Engage in activities you enjoy. 

• Set achievable, short-term goals. 

• Maintain a daily routine to provide structure. 

Another helpful approach is to connect with others who have experienced similar feelings and challenges. For some, support groups, either in-person or online, can offer a space to share your experiences and learn from others. Hearing how peers cope and find meaning despite their cancer can be encouraging.

Practicing mindfulness and gratitude can also shift your focus from despair to appreciation, even for the smallest comforts or joys in life. Keeping a gratitude journal where you jot down things you are thankful for each day can help focus the attention to noticing the good, even during challenging times. 

Consider reaching out to our team at Iris for support from mental health professionals who specialize in oncology care. They can provide guidance tailored to your needs. 

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